“The only person who can give you permission to believe in yourself — is you.”
The Quiet Struggle Behind Success
In my coaching practice, I often meet people who have achieved remarkable things in their careers — leaders with impressive titles, proven track records, and undeniable skill. Yet, despite their success being on full display, something still holds them back from fully owning their voice.
We’ve all heard the term for this: imposter syndrome.
Some of us carry it like a quiet companion, while others encounter it only at the most critical moments — when making big decisions or taking steps that require true self-belief.
A Mindset, Not a Diagnosis
While I’m not a psychologist, I don’t view imposter syndrome as a condition to be diagnosed. Rather, it’s a mindset — a pattern of thought that can be shifted with a change in how we see ourselves.
We know the adage: our beliefs influence our emotions, our emotions drive our behaviors, and our behaviors determine our outcomes. If that’s true (and I believe it is), then reworking our self-defeating beliefs can lead us to actions that affirm our worth and capability.
Focusing on the Wrong Things
Many of my clients struggle with this so-called “syndrome,” and I have as well.
One way we unintentionally feed it is by focusing on the wrong things.
Let me share a fictionalized example based on an actual client:
Meet Jeff
Jeff is a brilliant software engineer. His technical ability is unquestioned — by everyone except himself. He’s reached the point in his career where he’s ready for leadership, yet he hesitates.
He believes he isn’t “good enough” as an engineer, so he has no value to add in leadership meetings. That belief silences him.
What Jeff needed was a shift in perspective — a release from the old stories replaying in his head.
The Power of Soft Skills
One key realization was that his technical skills and his leadership skills were not the same — and that’s okay.
While he doubted his engineering prowess, he recognized other strengths: he’s a good listener, self-aware, and deeply empathetic.
Through our work together, Jeff came to see that these soft skills were exactly what he needed to lead well. They were already his natural gifts — strengths he could cultivate simply by using them.
When he embraced that truth, he gave himself permission to speak up and to see his voice as valuable.
Fear, Awareness, and Growth
As leaders, we often imagine that those others look up to are fearless or flawless. But real leadership isn’t about perfection — it’s about awareness and growth.
When we recognize the gifts already within us and commit to nurturing them, we loosen the grip of self-doubt.
The Opportunity Cost of Silence
Another helpful lens is opportunity cost:
What happens when we stay silent?
What’s lost when we withhold our ideas or compassion?
Who misses out when we choose comfort over contribution?
If empathy is one of your strengths, let it move you. Let concern for the person who needs your insight or encouragement be the reason you speak.
Sometimes, courage grows most naturally when it’s rooted in service to others.
You Already Belong
Remember: the technical skills we’ve honed through education and experience matter — but they don’t define our ability to lead.
The soft skills we often overlook are what open doors, build trust, and sustain influence.
So ask yourself:
- What soft skills come naturally to me?
- Which of these can I start using today to give myself permission to speak up?
- Who might benefit if I do?
The truth is simple: the only person who can give you permission to believe in yourself — is you.
You don’t have to be “good enough” to belong.
You already belong.
Start leading from the strengths that shine the brightest.
Brandyn Simmons is an executive coach, author, and leadership consultant helping professionals lead with authenticity and purpose. He writes and speaks on emotional intelligence, authentic leadership, and building organizations where people can become their best and truest selves.